How to Heal and Release What No Longer Serves You

I’m a huge fan of healing and release. As we peel away past layers of ourselves, hurts, limiting beliefs that no longer serve us, and anything else that needs to be cleared, we step more fully into the person we’re here to be in this life.

As part of my TAT Acupressure certification, I get to work with a sweet soul from India as we give one another sessions. In our most recent session, we both showed up with a similar focus. She was focusing on feeling like she didn’t have enough time and always feeling rushed. I was focused on feeling the pressure that comes with major expansion in my business, and the fears and worries of someone who has crashed and burned spectacularly in a past businesses.

The fears we carry from our past weigh us down, and often cause us to recreate the exact same situations we set out to avoid.

During our sessions we focus on silent conversation with whoever or whatever shows up… and there I was, facing my younger, less experienced self. The person who, while building a pretty great and successful business, also made some really poor choices and decisions financially, with clients, and just in life in general.

When my younger self appeared to me, a whole swell of love and compassion washed over me. I found myself saying to her that it was okay… more than okay. All of what she went through was so necessary and so needed, and that without her errors and poor choices, I wouldn’t be the business owner I am today. I wouldn’t have the business I have today, doing the work I do, completely fulfilled and in love with every aspect of it.

More importantly, I wouldn’t be as fully aligned as I am today, in life, business, and relationships.

Each and every misstep brought me closer to this space, and every mistake and failure has taught me so much. I’ve built a really solid business with an amazing team, serving so many beautiful and inspiring individuals around the world. I’ve learned how and where I need support, what works and what doesn’t, who I really want to serve and support, and how to best deliver my work.

The mistakes are a huge part of my getting to this point.

I left my session feeling totally calm. That part of me that has been so afraid of repeating past mistakes finally feels at peace. Expressing compassion and appreciation to that older version of me… wow. Healing and release is one of my favorite things in the world. It allows you to grow more completely into the person you’re here to be, and show up more fully in your life, relationships, and work.

How to Heal and Release What No Longer Serves You

Heal and Release What No Longer Serves You

1) Recognize the layers that are at play.

It took me some time to realize that much of the fear, worry, and stress I had in my business came so heavily from my past experiences. I’ve done a lot of work around faith and trust, and I’ve felt so clear that everything is really aligning for me right now in an amazing way… yet I felt a lot of fear. Fear that it was all going to come crashing down more spectacularly than I’d ever experienced before. Fear that I didn’t have what it would take to continue growing, expanding, serving, creating, and showing up how I desire to.

You have to take pause and really dive into the heart of what’s coming up for you. Sure, life may be hard and stressful right now, things may be off, but is the fear, worry, stress, or overwhelm truly coming from this moment? Or is it coming from a past hurt, failure, or period of your life? Are you projecting beliefs you cling to onto people and moments that don’t warrant them? Dive in with curiosity (not judgement) and see what you uncover.

2) Heal the layers that need healing.

Sometimes in order to truly move forward, we need to forgive someone we never thought we could. Sometimes that person is ourselves, the one who made mistakes or hurt others. Sometimes we need to send light and love to older versions of ourselves, and show some compassion for what we were going through. Sometimes we need to rebuild trust, reconnect to our truth, and accept ourselves exactly as we are. This will look different depending on the layer that’s coming up. My favorite forgiveness exercise is Hoʻoponopono, the ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness.

Simply sit with the statement,  “I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.” You can do this while tapping with EFT, in meditation, or while sitting in front of the mirror looking into your own eyes (a really uncomfortable and powerful practice). I’m also a huge fan of Acupressure for releasing attachments, resonance, and stuck emotions.

3) Release it.

Sometimes we become so attached to our stories, beliefs, and limited ways of operating in the world that it’s terribly uncomfortable to be without them. But if you want to experience a life, relationship, or work you really love, you have to release. Take all the pages you journaled on through your healing and burn them. Write a letter or make a call and create closure. Use Acupressure to remove it for good. Bring yourself back to the present moment, fully healed and whole, and engage in what’s in front of you right now.

When you’ve really worked through this process, you’ll feel more peaceful, focused, aligned, and on purpose. There’s no longer anything holding you back from doing and becoming anything you desire… except maybe the next layer.

4) Repeat as often as you need.

Here’s the thing… there are so many layers. Layers upon layers upon layers will come up for you as you work to create more joy, purpose, fulfillment, and alignment in your life. It’s natural! We pick up so much “stuff” from our childhood, as we grow up, and all the experiences that we have in life. All relationships leave energy and imprints, from family to friends to partners. All experiences leave imprints as well. With a world and people made up entirely of energy, it’s impossible to avoid being effected by what’s happening to and around you. Continue this process as often as you need, and remember that you’re not broken if another layer surfaces, you’re just human.

Take action now!

Where are you feeling stuck or held back due to past experiences, beliefs, or versions of yourself? Work through the steps above and start healing and releasing those layers.

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

November Was…

november

Watching my older sister marry the love of her life at a gorgeous location.

Spending time with family in beautiful Campeche, Mexico (we saw Mayan ruins!)

Taking time to vote, one way of taking responsibility for the change I want to see.

Way too much time with a sick little kitty at the vet, but ending with great news.

Loads of planning, organizing, writing, and growing up in life and business.

First transitional snows of the season, and lots of cold days.

Drives to Boulder in the bitter cold, infinity scarves, and winter wonderland.

Thrift shopping, finally getting back to the gym, and exciting new reads.

Getting back in front of the camera for some video trainings!

Networking galore, meetings at cute little cafes, and getting back to hot tea.

Diving deeper into my personal Acupressure practice.

The worst bug I’ve had in years, which knocked me on my butt.

Hosting my first webinar on goal setting (catch the replay)!

Revisiting favorite books for important reminders.

Loads of rest, recovery, and healing.

Lots of snuggles with my little men.

Learning how to master my time and make things happen quickly.

Birthday celebrations and finally turning 30!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

How Honoring Yourself Means Being of Greater Service to Everyone and Everything

I typically get a tremendously positive response to my Permission to be Ungrateful Thanksgiving post, with the exception of a handful of people. These people have told me that what I wrote promotes narcissism and is a very immature perspective. That I promote a consumerism attitude of simply “discarding” things that don’t work for us, leading us to being “chronically dissatisfied” and superficial. I understand and respect this perspective. In fact if you read the article, it’s the exact perspective that my ex had when I left our relationship and a great job. He called me ungrateful. That said…

I respectfully disagree with the notion that doing what’s best for ourselves is narcissistic or immature.

In all honestly, this actually gets me pretty angry and fired up. It’s this exact type of belief and accusation that leads people to feeling perpetually dissatisfied, fearful, unhappy, undeserving, and unfulfilled. It also keeps people stuck, effectively reducing their contribution to this world. Making changes that honor your needs and desires is actually of greater service to everything and everyone around you.

By leaving a relationship that doesn’t serve or fulfill you, you’re doing a service to both yourself and the other person.

How is staying in a relationship that you’re not happy in of service to both parties? I’m not saying you don’t try if you’re married, have kids, in a committed relationship or you both want to make it work… but by ending the relationship, both people have an opportunity to find a new relationship that truly fulfills them. I say this from personal experience. I could never have given my ex what he needed and deserved as a person because my heart wasn’t in it.

How is staying in a profession you only got into to please your parents or to simply make money of service to anyone?

When you dislike what you do, you don’t show up fully. That doesn’t serve the company, the clients or yourself. We all have a right to do the work we were put here to do, and many people get off course for various reasons. Leaving the job allows you to find the work you’re meant to be doing, the work that lights you up, so that you can be of greater service in this world. Leaving the job also creates the space and opportunity for the right employee to come into the picture. As a small business owner, I’d much prefer an employee leave, no matter how valuable they are or what they’re in the middle of working on, if their heart is not 100% in it.

How is staying exactly where you are, simply because others think you “have it all”, of service to anyone or anything?

If Steve Jobs had never dropped out of college and followed his desire to drop in on creative courses such as calligraphy, we wouldn’t have Apple computers or iPhones. If Bill Gates hadn’t dropped out of college, we wouldn’t have the personal computers that we all need and use. If Mother Teresa hadn’t heeded the calling within her to live among the poor, and instead chose to stay exactly where she was, we wouldn’t have had such an amazing soul doing amazing work in the world. If Mahatma Gandhi hadn’t followed his passion for social activism and civil rights, and instead continued trying to build a law practice, not only would we not have had such an incredible leader in this world, a pastor named Martin Luther King Jr. would never have been inspired to stand up for civil rights here in the U.S. using the principles of non-violence.

HonoringYourselfIsBeingOfService

One of the hardest concepts for us to grasp is that making choices that honor ourselves and our happiness is actually a tremendous service to those around us.

If someone leaves us because they’re honoring themselves, we think they’re just selfish and narcissistic… but why would we want to be with someone that doesn’t fully and completely want to be with us? If a good, well paid lawyer leaves their job, they’re crazy or ungrateful. After all, so many people are without work and they have a job and financial security. But why would we want a lawyer on our case (or any case) that doesn’t fully and completely want to serve and support us?

Your choosing to leave a relationship or job, to make changes in your life that serve YOU, is no different than those great individuals we honor in our society and world. Heeding the callings within your soul, honoring your intuitive hits, and making the necessary changes you need is honoring yourself. It’s also honoring your purpose in this world, whatever that may be. It’s being of service to those around you.

Far too many people play it small, stay in relationships that aren’t serving either party, or never become the person they’re meant to be, simply because of the false notion that making changes is selfish, makes them ungrateful, or means they’re immature or narcissistic. I will not stand by and allow those beliefs to hold people back from living the lives they’re meant to live. From having the love and fulfillment they deserve (and the partner they may be leaving deserves). From being of service and contributing to this world in they way that they’re meant to.

Far too many of my coaching clients and Mastery members tell me that they aren’t living true to themselves, their purpose or they’re needs because they “should be grateful” for what they have right now. As I said in the original post, you should absolutely be 100% grateful for everything you have in your life, but that doesn’t mean you can’t desire something completely different, or take steps to make changes in your life. Being grateful for what you have and where you are now creates an energy and environment for you to make changes with ease. But it doesn’t mean you can’t be unhappy, want something or someone totally different, or that you can’t take the necessary steps to make changes in your life.

Staying where you are is not of service to anyone or anything.

This world doesn’t need more people who are doing what they think they should be doing and staying where they are out of a false sense of obligation. What this world needs is more people who are stepping into their truth, showing up fully in their relationships and work in the world, and people who are joyful, passionate and on purpose.

Where are you staying stuck or not honoring yourself due to a sense of obligation, or a fear of shaking things up? Where are you not honoring yourself and others, whether that’s a person, employer, client or other? Where are you not making changes because you believe it would make you ungrateful or selfish? How can you start honoring your needs, make a choice that’s of greater service to you and those involved, while still expressing gratitude for what you do have in your life?

12 Comments

How to Trust and Release

One of my favorite meditation mantras of all times comes from the fabulous Gabrielle Bernstein, “I am trusting, I am releasing, I ask for what is of the highest service to myself and to the world.” It’s become more than just a simple mantra, it’s now a way of being for me.

I can’t remember the first time I heard this, or where, but something about it resonated so deeply that I never forgot it. What I do know about the time I heard it is that I wasn’t anywhere close to being able to live true to the mantra. I was majorly broke, stressed out, lost, and totally unsure of everything in my life. I didn’t know what it meant to trust and release, let alone how to practice it.

Thankfully, I had begun learning to trust my intuition, and so I felt called to repeat this mantra like a life line during those hard years. When I felt overwhelmed around not know how to pay the bills, I would close my eyes and say it over and over until I felt like I could breathe again. When I felt confused and lacking clear direction in my life, I would close my eyes and repeat it. When I had that deep knowing that the relationship I was in was wrong, but felt consumed by sadness and fear, I would close my eyes and repeat it. And somewhere along the lines, it started to sink in.

Trusting is all about handing the “how” over to the divine with faith and love, while releasing is all about settling soundly into the knowing that we’re always being supported.

Click to read the full post on Over the Moon Magazine!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

Permission to Be Ungrateful

Originally published November 21, 2011

As we begin to approach the holiday season, there are a lot of messages about gratitude, giving thanks and showing appreciation popping up all over the internet. I feel like there’s enough quality conversation happening on this topic already, so I want to talk about the perks of being “ungrateful”.

I want to preface this by saying gratitude is a practice that has absolutely transformed my life. From verbally expressing “thank you” to the Universe (yes, out loud), loving and appreciating those close to me, and learning how to live in the present moment so that I don’t take a single thing for granted… gratitude is a practice that has enriched my experiences, allowed me to feel joyful and taught me to truly appreciate what I have now.

But the practice of being “ungrateful” for certain things in my life? That my friends, has been the most enormous catalyst for positive change in my life. I would not be where I am today, sharing my heart with you, doing work that I absolutely love, if I had not allowed myself to be “ungrateful” in the past.

Why Being “Ungrateful” Rocks

Several years ago I ended a long term relationship with my high school sweetheart, months after leaving an incredible, well paying job. I distinctly remember an email sent to me by my ex boyfriend telling me that I was ungrateful. That I was “too busy complaining” about everyone and everything to appreciate what I had. I can completely understand his perspective of the situation.

When someone who seems to have everything, or even just something, it’s “not okay” to be unhappy.

At least you have a job.
At least he doesn’t hit you.
At least you’re not living in some third world country with no access to clean water.

YES, being grateful that you are able to have a problem like “just” hating your job, or being in a relationship that “just” doesn’t serve you, that’s a mindset shift that will single handily change your view of the world and your ability to appreciate what you have.

But it’s also completely possible to appreciate the fact that you have a job and still hate it. To still feel drained and miserable at the end of each day. To feel so out of place among your co-workers that going to work each day makes you physically nauseated.

It’s possible to appreciate that you’re with a really great guy, but still feel empty and alone within the relationship. To have no passion, no connection and nothing to talk about.

Recognizing that you’re not happy, that your relationship or job doesn’t serve you on some fundamental level, that’s often perceived as being “ungrateful” by those that can’t put themselves in your shoes.

To hell with it. Be “ungrateful”. Honor yourself and do what’s best for YOU.

Someone who can’t be proud of you for recognizing that something isn’t working for you in your life, and support you in making the necessary changes to feel joy, they’re probably the type of person who only has their best interest in mind anyways. So why care what they think?

PermissionToBeUngrateful

Permission to be “Ungrateful”

When you’ve mastered the art of appreciating what you have for what it is, but you’re still deeply discontent with the situation… you have permission to be “ungrateful.”

You have permission to dislike your job.
You have permission to leave it, despite the great pay or projects.
Despite the fact that your friends and family can’t believe you would.

You have permission to end your relationship.
You are not obligated to stay with a great guy who isn’t right for you. Despite the fact that you love each other, that he’s trying his best to make you happy or that everyone thinks you’re a perfect fit.

You have permission to want more out of life.
Despite having more than other people or having things they really wish they had.
You have permission to want more than “good enough.”
To dream on a grande scale and take the necessary steps to live a bigger and bolder life.

You have permission to honor your needs and desires.
No one else knows what your life is like. No one else can understand.
Stop expecting them to. Rid your life of toxic, unsupportive people. Honor yourself.

Being “ungrateful” means you’re AWAKE
to the reality of YOUR situation { Tweet it! }

Feeling discontent, miserable or “ungrateful,” despite knowing that you’re lucky or blessed… there’s nothing wrong with it! In fact, you should be thrilled that your inner guidance system, your intuition, knows that you’re not living the life you’re meant to live. This is good news.

It means that you’re awake enough to realize that something in your life isn’t serving you. Isn’t fulfilling or the right fit for you. And once you know this, once you recognize these feelings and honor your “ungratefulness,” you are instantly empowering yourself to make the necessary changes.

Never let someone else tell you that honoring your intuition and gut to leave a situation they deem to be “just fine” means you’re ungrateful. Be grateful that you at least have a job, that he’s at least not hitting you, and that you have access to clean water… but take action to make changes anyways. You deserve JOY, PASSION, LOVE and FULFILLMENT. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

Take Action Now!

Consider the following and share your thoughts with me:

Where are you not being honest with yourself about what’s not working for fear of being “ungrateful?” What steps can you take this week to make the necessary changes in your life?

19 Comments

It’s changed my life. It made me became clear on where I am heading with my career and now it’s all falling into place. I can see it going just the way I dreamed of. I’m full of ideas and creativity now and I can put those ideas into practice. I’ve got my fire back. I’m excited, happy and full of energy. Thank you. — Charlie Oswin