How to Trust and Release

One of my favorite meditation mantras of all times comes from the fabulous Gabrielle Bernstein, “I am trusting, I am releasing, I ask for what is of the highest service to myself and to the world.” It’s become more than just a simple mantra, it’s now a way of being for me.

I can’t remember the first time I heard this, or where, but something about it resonated so deeply that I never forgot it. What I do know about the time I heard it is that I wasn’t anywhere close to being able to live true to the mantra. I was majorly broke, stressed out, lost, and totally unsure of everything in my life. I didn’t know what it meant to trust and release, let alone how to practice it.

Thankfully, I had begun learning to trust my intuition, and so I felt called to repeat this mantra like a life line during those hard years. When I felt overwhelmed around not know how to pay the bills, I would close my eyes and say it over and over until I felt like I could breathe again. When I felt confused and lacking clear direction in my life, I would close my eyes and repeat it. When I had that deep knowing that the relationship I was in was wrong, but felt consumed by sadness and fear, I would close my eyes and repeat it. And somewhere along the lines, it started to sink in.

Trusting is all about handing the “how” over to the divine with faith and love, while releasing is all about settling soundly into the knowing that we’re always being supported.

Click to read the full post on Over the Moon Magazine!

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Permission to Be Ungrateful

Originally published November 21, 2011

As we begin to approach the holiday season, there are a lot of messages about gratitude, giving thanks and showing appreciation popping up all over the internet. I feel like there’s enough quality conversation happening on this topic already, so I want to talk about the perks of being “ungrateful”.

I want to preface this by saying gratitude is a practice that has absolutely transformed my life. From verbally expressing “thank you” to the Universe (yes, out loud), loving and appreciating those close to me, and learning how to live in the present moment so that I don’t take a single thing for granted… gratitude is a practice that has enriched my experiences, allowed me to feel joyful and taught me to truly appreciate what I have now.

But the practice of being “ungrateful” for certain things in my life? That my friends, has been the most enormous catalyst for positive change in my life. I would not be where I am today, sharing my heart with you, doing work that I absolutely love, if I had not allowed myself to be “ungrateful” in the past.

Why Being “Ungrateful” Rocks

Several years ago I ended a long term relationship with my high school sweetheart, months after leaving an incredible, well paying job. I distinctly remember an email sent to me by my ex boyfriend telling me that I was ungrateful. That I was “too busy complaining” about everyone and everything to appreciate what I had. I can completely understand his perspective of the situation.

When someone who seems to have everything, or even just something, it’s “not okay” to be unhappy.

At least you have a job.
At least he doesn’t hit you.
At least you’re not living in some third world country with no access to clean water.

YES, being grateful that you are able to have a problem like “just” hating your job, or being in a relationship that “just” doesn’t serve you, that’s a mindset shift that will single handily change your view of the world and your ability to appreciate what you have.

But it’s also completely possible to appreciate the fact that you have a job and still hate it. To still feel drained and miserable at the end of each day. To feel so out of place among your co-workers that going to work each day makes you physically nauseated.

It’s possible to appreciate that you’re with a really great guy, but still feel empty and alone within the relationship. To have no passion, no connection and nothing to talk about.

Recognizing that you’re not happy, that your relationship or job doesn’t serve you on some fundamental level, that’s often perceived as being “ungrateful” by those that can’t put themselves in your shoes.

To hell with it. Be “ungrateful”. Honor yourself and do what’s best for YOU.

Someone who can’t be proud of you for recognizing that something isn’t working for you in your life, and support you in making the necessary changes to feel joy, they’re probably the type of person who only has their best interest in mind anyways. So why care what they think?

PermissionToBeUngrateful

Permission to be “Ungrateful”

When you’ve mastered the art of appreciating what you have for what it is, but you’re still deeply discontent with the situation… you have permission to be “ungrateful.”

You have permission to dislike your job.
You have permission to leave it, despite the great pay or projects.
Despite the fact that your friends and family can’t believe you would.

You have permission to end your relationship.
You are not obligated to stay with a great guy who isn’t right for you. Despite the fact that you love each other, that he’s trying his best to make you happy or that everyone thinks you’re a perfect fit.

You have permission to want more out of life.
Despite having more than other people or having things they really wish they had.
You have permission to want more than “good enough.”
To dream on a grande scale and take the necessary steps to live a bigger and bolder life.

You have permission to honor your needs and desires.
No one else knows what your life is like. No one else can understand.
Stop expecting them to. Rid your life of toxic, unsupportive people. Honor yourself.

Being “ungrateful” means you’re AWAKE
to the reality of YOUR situation { Tweet it! }

Feeling discontent, miserable or “ungrateful,” despite knowing that you’re lucky or blessed… there’s nothing wrong with it! In fact, you should be thrilled that your inner guidance system, your intuition, knows that you’re not living the life you’re meant to live. This is good news.

It means that you’re awake enough to realize that something in your life isn’t serving you. Isn’t fulfilling or the right fit for you. And once you know this, once you recognize these feelings and honor your “ungratefulness,” you are instantly empowering yourself to make the necessary changes.

Never let someone else tell you that honoring your intuition and gut to leave a situation they deem to be “just fine” means you’re ungrateful. Be grateful that you at least have a job, that he’s at least not hitting you, and that you have access to clean water… but take action to make changes anyways. You deserve JOY, PASSION, LOVE and FULFILLMENT. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

Take Action Now!

Consider the following and share your thoughts with me:

Where are you not being honest with yourself about what’s not working for fear of being “ungrateful?” What steps can you take this week to make the necessary changes in your life?

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Miracles Are…

One of my favorite lessons from A Course in Miracles is, “A miracle is a shift in perception.” By changing your perception of a situation, you completely shift your experience, the outcome and how you feel. So true and so amazing. Miracles are also found through gratitude and appreciating what’s all around you. I wrote my first Miracles Are post awhile back, and have decided to make this an ongoing series when I feel compelled to share the miracles in my life.

Miracles are…

  • The best people in the best mastermind supporting your vision and ideas with feedback, support, accountability, resources, and sharing their wealth of knowledge and expertise openly.
  • New opportunities, clients, growth, and experiences, all leading you in a direction that feels more right than you could every have imagine.
  • Amazing vets, medical technology, Care Credit, and all the awesome people and things that lead to the little furry love of my life being healthy and on track to pester me for many mornings to come.
  • Growing your team with just the right people just the right time.
  • Laser focus, right in time for creating some serious awesome in your life and business… letting go of procrastination, scattered focus, and wasted time.
  • Thai food, always.
  • Shut down days, Netflix, little snuggly fuzzy babes, jammy pants, and the wonderful gift of being able to spend some time doing absolutely nothing.
  • Acupressure, and the amazingness that it brings to everyone’s lives. Plus, the ability to guide someone through this simple, powerful practice.
  • Support, in the many ways it shows up exactly when needed.

Life, each and every day. Being able to say annoyingly positive and cliche things like that and meaning it, because things are finally really clicking and falling into place. And what could be better?

WhatAreMiracles

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From My Bookshelf: Intimate Communion by David Deida

I often get asked what I’m reading right now, or what books have had the biggest impact on my life. So today, I want to share a recent read with you that I can’t recommend enough.

Intimate CommunionI’ve been reading a ton of David Deida right now, and loving every single word this man has written. I started with The Way of the Superior Man (great read for both men and women), moved on to Intimate Communion, gave Dear Lover a try, and am currently working on Blue Truth. All amazing books!

The one that’s stood out to me the most so far is Intimate Communion. I started reading Deida when my guy and I had split up and were just starting to really work through things on our own. When I read through this book everything just clicked for me on such a deep level that things haven’t been the same since.

The first thing I realized was that I wasn’t just Miss Independent because “that’s the way I am”, I had become so fiercely  independent out of necessity from my childhood and past relationships. When I had this realization, I had a massive breakdown and the tears from years of feeling unsupported and totally on my own came flooding out.

One of the core concepts of Deida’s work is masculine and feminine energy, and that in order to have polarity in your relationship, you have to have one person in the masculine, and one in the feminine (we all have both, it’s more about your dominant energy within the relationship). For many of us, myself included, we strive to create a balanced and equal 50/50 relationship. What this means is both partners end up pretty balanced with their own masculine and feminine energies so as not to disrupt the order in the relationship.

This is where a lot of the “meh” feelings we find come from. Lack of passion, spark, polarity, depth, connection, and sense of self. Deida talks about the three kinds of relationships in more detail (the dependant relationship, 50/50, and Intimate Communion) and it’s fascinating. I could see myself in each one. My first relationship was highly unhealthy and dependent. My second was absolutely a 50/50 setup… and the relationship I had just left was also shaping up to be 50/50. Thankfully though, I wasn’t interested in settling for less than I desired, and reading Intimate Communion was a big part of creating change for us.

Since reading this book, we’ve both started stepping more fully into our dominant energies… his masculine and mine feminine. This has meant a lot of big changes on my end, and learning to let him lead and take care of me have been big pieces of that. I’ll always have my masculine side, after all, it’s what’s allowed me to build the business I have today and is useful in many aspects of my life. But allowing myself to step more fully into my feminine (soft, open, loving, flowing, and expressive) within our partnership has been amazing.

Learning to stay open to the flow of love has also been a big piece of our healing and creating the love we both want. Staying open is hard. But I’m learning to get still and quiet and open my heart energetically when I feel it closing, and that’s made a world of difference. There’s so much more room for growth and opening, but what little I’ve taken away from this book so far has been hugely life changing.

If you’re looking to create more depth, passion and connection in your relationship, I can’t recommend this book highly enough. I’m obsessed with it.

The friend who gave it to me said he had a box of them and he handed them out to everyone… which I thought was odd at first, but I get it now. If I could ship this book off to every person I know in a relationship, I totally would. It’s that good. 

You can grab your copy on Amazon, or check out Deida’s site for more!

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Create More Time in the Day and Accomplish Amazing Things

Last week I did a webinar on setting big and exciting goals for 2015 (you can catch the replay here). It seems appropriate to also talk about one of the biggest culprits that keeps us from achieving what we want… wasted time.

In the last couple months, I’ve been learning how to really hyper focus. I’ve always been pretty focused, and I’ve always been big on choosing 2 – 3 priorities at any given time, but I’ve still spent a great deal of my life and time completely scattered. Because I’m also hyper aware of the fact that life is really, really short, I’m not big on wasting a lot of time, especially when there’s SO MUCH I want to do!

I’ve gotten months worth of work done in a matter of days, had more down time to unwind and relax than I’ve had in a long time, and am really making progress on some projects and goals that are super important to me. All from a few simple steps that I’m going to share with you today!

CreateTime

 

How to Create More Hours in the Day

1) Get really clear on how you spend your time.

For at least one week, track your time and get really honest with yourself about how you’re spending it. You may find you spent far more time watching TV, surfing the web mindlessly, or simply debating about whether or not to go to the gym than you realize. This is all precious, wasted time. The sooner you have a real look at where your time is going, the sooner you can start to spend more time on the things that matter. Don’t guesstimate on the areas you know you waste your time, actually track it.

2) Get a handle on your time.

Part two of understanding how you spend your time right now is clearly defining how you want to be spending it. Sit down and write down everything you want and need to be doing… workouts, client time, meetings, morning routine, self care timeouts, errands, bill paying, meal prep or planning, etc. Where do you absolutely need to spend your time? And more importantly, how do you want to be spending it? What projects or goals do you want to be working towards? Get honest about what activities need to be eliminated or reduced, such as TV, social media, mindless web surfing, or anything else that isn’t really adding value to your life in a way that feels really amazing.

3) Use time blocks to manage your week.

Time blocks have been HUGE for me, and I haven’t even mastered them 100%. The first thing I did was block off all the time I needed to spend on certain things like writing (blog posts, Awesome Life Tips™, Mastery member content, etc.), paying bills, running errands, working out, and checking email/Facebook, etc. Then, I started dropping time blocks on my calendar for projects… I blocked all the time I need to be following up with coaching clients and working on website designs. And finally, looking at how my weeks were broken down, I got honest about where I could block some time for other projects or fun things I really want to be doing.

4) Know that this will create more freedom.

This may not be true for everyone, but as a person who values freedom above all else, taking the time to schedule my time actually feels way more freeing to me than leaving things open ended. Partly because I don’t spend so much time bouncing between tasks, wondering what I should be working on, or assuming things will all get done with enough time for me to do what I want. Having time blocks has helped me stay hyper focused on the task at hand… and knowing that there’s a set end time makes it like a “beat the clock” game for me.

Take action now!

Do you know how you’re spending your time? Do you feel like you’re making progress towards what you really desire in your life? If not, work through the steps above and share with me how you’ll start making changes to your time this week!

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If you asked me two months ago what topic I wanted to base my business on, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. With her guidance and support, my business is up and running and I have created my Individual Coaching Package and two Transformational Quick-Guides. I’m currently coaching my own clients and there are several other products and packages in the making. The best part is that, by working with Stephenie, I have been able to overcome my own mental blocks so that I now feel so much more in-tune with my own creative flow. — Jennifer Twardowski