It’s just a matter of when…

Here’s the truth about your big dreams and visions:
It’s not a matter of “if”, it’s a matter of when.

We’re not gifted with big, sometimes crazy scary dreams and visions unless we have everything we need inside of us to make it happen. Yes, sometimes there are things to learn, experience, fail at, or do before they can happen… but they’re ours to bring to life, and we don’t have to be anyone else, or anywhere other than where we are right now.

The thing about this truth that many people don’t realize, we’re in control of the when. It’s not out of our hands, divinely timed fate, or coming down to other people taking action on our behalf.

It’s up to us.

It’s up to us to take the actions necessary.
It’s up to us to get out of our own heads and way.
It’s up to us to clear limiting beliefs and blocks.
It’s up to us to be willing to make big shifts.
It’s up to us to be okay with possible failures on the way.
It’s up to us to try as hard as we can.
It’s up to us to be willing to get vulnerable.
It’s up to us to invest in ourselves and our future.
It’s up to us to become a beginner and learn.

It’s up to us to stop making excuses… because there will always be a reason why the time isn’t right, someone is in our way or trying to bring us down, we don’t have enough of something, etc. Always.

So it’s up to us to decide when we want our dreams to come to life. And often we hide behind the reasons and excuses, because that’s easier than owning up to the fact that we’re the creator of our own lives, and that means we have to get to work if we want amazing things to happen. And the work? Well, sometimes it’s really hard and scary and uncomfortable. So we sit around and wait for a “better time”, because schedules and money and blah blah blah.

I started working towards this business when I had no time and no money. I had no one who understood and “got” what I wanted to do. No one who understood or “got” me for that matter. I had no idea what I was doing, but I knew what I was called to create, so I just started moving. I decided that my “when” was going to be as soon as possible… and while there were certainly days that I threw my hands up in the air and parked it on the couch for hours of mindless TV, I always got back up and back to work. I never gave up. I never stopped hustling and committing, every day, to making it happen.

making-dreams-happen

There’s absolutely no question that you can create what you want to create… not one.

I have hugely unshakeable faith in you and your dreams. That’s not the problem. Whatever your dream is, it’s not unrealistic. Whatever your vision is, it’s not crazy. Whatever your hopes and goals are, they’re absolutely possible for you. I know that.

Stop waiting for someone to tell you that you can.
Stop waiting for someone else to do it first before you believe.
Stop waiting for the “right time” or a less crazy calendar.
Stop telling yourself you don’t have enough of something.
Stop listening to negative people with no sense of possibility.
Stop letting time slip by without taking any action.

You decide when. You and only you

So when are you going to choose?

If you’re ready to build a business around your passions, I hope you’ll join me on April 6th for Your Passion-Based Business™.

Thank You for Hurting Me

Midway through an acupressure session a friend and I were doing together, on a step about forgiveness, his face appeared in my mind. A face I swore up and down I never wanted to see again. A person I swore would never be allowed in my life in any capacity. But in that moment, all I wanted to do was pick up the phone and thank him profusely for the gift that was our time together.

To thank him for being who he was, the ways he (and my choosing to be with him) hurt me, and to let him know how much I deeply love and appreciate him. To hug him tight and thank him from the bottom of my heart and soul.

This is what the work is about.

Healing. Forgiveness. Love. Openness. Truth. Peace.

Getting ourselves to a point where life feels so amazing that we want to laugh and cry at the same time (something I’ve found myself doing lately). Where we look at the people and experiences that nearly broke us and give a genuine, full body and heart felt thank you. Where we feel an intense, overwhelming sense of gratitude.

Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.

Thank you to those who hurt me, breaking me wide open, so I can experience love more fully. Thank you rock bottom for grounding me so I can stand taller. Thank you rejection for guiding me to the right people and experiences. Thank you loneliness for giving me the capacity to appreciate connection, and the desire to brave depth. Thank you sadness, pain, and depression for deepening the range in which I can experience joy, happiness, and fulfillment. Thank you to the lost years for prompting me to find myself and my passion.

Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.

Thank you in advance to those who will hurt or reject me in the future. To the hard times, challenges, failures, and mistakes. Thank you to the unavoidable struggles and road blocks that will litter the path of bringing my dreams to life. Thank you to all the people and experiences that will crack me open again and again, because loss, heartbreak, and pain will only open me further to the beauty of this life.

As I settle further into myself and my truth, open my heart more fully to others, and step more deeply into the work I’m here to do, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for every. single. thing. I’ve been through in this life.

I wouldn’t be able to love so fully, deeply, and passionately had I not experienced the losses I’ve experienced. I wouldn’t be able to smile so big, laugh so hard, and feel so absolutely in love with life had I not been cut so deeply over the years. I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the business I’ve built and the work I get to do had I not struggled so hard to get things off the ground. Had I not failed miserably more times than I can count. I wouldn’t be so fully and completely myself, and comfortable in who that is, had I not gotten so disconnected in the first place.

How to Heal Hurt

I understand it doesn’t feel this way when you’re going through it.

Usually it just feels hard, exhausting, and deflating.

I get that. Believe me, I get that.

But that’s why it’s so important to continue doing the work.

Questioning everything and everyone in your life, and only allowing the people and things that really light you up to stay. Challenging yourself to continue growing emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. Never getting too comfortable or letting yourself fall into ruts. Doing the things that scare the crap out of you. Being willing to get more and more vulnerable with the people in your life. Following your whims and passions and letting them guide you towards the life and work you’re meant to have/do. Speaking your truth, especially when it’s hard and scary. Forgiving people, even if they’re never allowed back in your life. Healing the layers as they come up.

People who meet me today assume I’m just one of those shiny, happy people who didn’t have to overcome any obstacles… but really, that’s so far from the truth. I can tell you story after story of failure, epic mistakes, hurt, suffering, pain, depression, and struggle. The light, joy, passion, and love I exude today comes from many years of darkness.

And whether your darkness is the same, worse, or less intense than mine doesn’t matter. We all struggle. We all get hurt. We all make mistakes. And all these things deepen our capacity for amazing love, joy, passion, and fulfillment, if we’re willing to do the work. Consistently. Even when it’s hard. Especially when it seems like all we do is take one step forward, and five crashing steps backwards. Especially then.

Don’t give up.

Keep doing the work.

Buy the books, take the course, hire the coach. Talk to your friends, journal it out, go for a run. Cry, scream, laugh. Take a self care timeout, then get back up and try again. Where I am today is a result of never giving up, never stopping the work.

What will you do today?

I Don’t Want to Forget

I don’t want to forget the good, the memories, the experiences, and the growth. I don’t want to forget the love and the laughs. I don’t want to forget the loss, the pain, the tears. I don’t want to forget the way I was cracked wide open, and the way I fell to my knees, sobbing. I don’t want to forget the awfulness of it all, or the rawness. And I certainly don’t want to forget the gifts. The lessons, the love, the new connections, and the opening of my eyes in a whole new way.

“It just seems like you’d want to move on from this as quickly as possible.”

Many people have said this to me over the past two months. But no, I don’t. Do I want to keep moving forward? Yes, absolutely. I’m not the kind of person that stands still, ever. But this loss, it’s a huge part of my story now. It’s the most awful thing I’ve ever experienced. The most tragic, heart breaking, challenging thing I’ve ever faced.

I laid in bed for days.
I sobbed so hard my eyes stopped swelling.
I didn’t eat for weeks.
I didn’t sleep for months.
I sank into a grief I’ve never known.
I had some of the rawest conversations of my life.

And yet I also came home to myself in a beautiful, life altering way.

I don’t want to forget.

Which is true for all the awful things in my life. Nothing compares to the loss I experienced two months ago… to the unraveling that occurred from the moment I heard the news. But I’ve been through some hard shit in my life and relationships, and I don’t want to forget any of it.

People who’ve worked with me have heard me say time and time again: “One day, you’ll look back on this awful time with so much love, joy, and appreciation. I can promise that. Maybe not anytime soon… maybe not in the coming years even. But one day? Yes. You’re going to look at this hard time with a love that runs so deep you feel it in every fiber of your being.”

Because these awful times? They’re the catalyst for some of the most important work we’ll ever do in our lives. They force us to dive deep, surrender, trust, and grow. Oftentimes in ways we don’t feel ready to grow, but also in ways we desperately need to.

And there’s always a gift.

Always, always.

So no, I don’t want to forget.
I don’t want to sprint forward.

I want to be where I am.

Feeling all the feelings, experiencing all the rawness and growth as it comes. All the love and joy. Diving deeper into myself, and allowing all the good and bad in. This is what life and living and loving is all about.

And I don’t want to miss any of it, even the hard parts.

How to Have More Energy for Interacting With Others

“Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and invite your spirit, your true essence, into your body.”

I closed my eyes, with doubt… for I’d done a number of visualizations in the past that really didn’t amount to much more than making me sleepy. Maybe visualizations just aren’t my thing, I thought. But I listened to her soothing voice, closed my eyes, and tuned in. I visualized opening my crown chakra and inviting my higher self in.

My mind stilled, my breath deepened, and I felt something beautiful descend into my body. Suddenly, my heart opened wider than I’d ever felt it open, and my body started to shake from the intensity of the love that was flowing through me.

It literally overwhelmed me.

I almost broke down crying from the vast amount of love I suddenly felt for everyone in my life. For my family and friends, all the people I’d chosen to have in my life…to the colleagues and clients… to the people I barely knew in my new networking group. I saw them all, and I just wanted to love the hell out of them. I was already loving the hell out of them.

I realized in that moment, that I had been blocking my truth, and one of my greatest gifts: the vast capacity to love people, fully and completely, for who they are. For simply being. For appearing in my sphere.

Because it made boyfriends uncomfortable.
Because it confused some people on my intentions.
Because I didn’t know how to set boundaries around it.
Because I was afraid of how overwhelming it felt to open.
Because I judged myself for the way it wanted to flow.

So I shut it down. Closed my heart. Acted in different ways so that I wouldn’t offend, confuse, or make people uncomfortable. And in shutting down that natural flow, I stagnated my own energy. And that, my friends, that is what was so exhausting about interacting with others.

I spent years believing I was so introverted that I could only “handle” small doses of people, even the people I loved most. I would get exhausted if I spent time with people two or three times a week. And by exhausted, I mean totally and completely shut down, staring at the ceiling in my bedroom, because I needed to “recharge” in order to deal with humans again.

Since that visualization, I haven’t gotten exhausted. I have spent more time with people in the last two months than possibly the last year. I’ve been to networking and business meetings, play dates, events, had my best friend in town for a weekend, traveled, talked on the phone with multiple people every day (and even one night for SEVEN. HOURS.), and have barely been home.

And I’m not the least bit worn out or tired.

I believe it has everything to do with allowing myself to just open and love the hell out of whoever is in front of me. To just show up, hold space for them, connect deeply, and just love and appreciate them.

I hug, I touch, I kiss, I hold, I smile wide, I peer deep into their souls… I love them. Freely. Openly. Without worry. All of them. The colleague at a networking event. My best and closest friends. People I barely know.

I show up, open my heart, and give my greatest gift.

And I’m so much happier, healthier, and more alive for it. I’m so much more energized by every interaction. I don’t get exhausted. I look forward to my time with people… even my networking group, something I used to dread since networking generally lacks genuine connection. But I bring it everywhere I go. I radiate love, openness, depth, and connection. I invite it out of others by flowing it out to them.

I love. Hard. Deep. Fully. Completely.

I don’t worry about it anymore. If someone is meant to walk alongside me as a partner in this life, they’ll have to appreciate this about me, not be threatened. I’m learning how to love openly, and with clear boundaries all at once. It still overwhelms me sometimes, but I just breathe into it and allow it to energize that love even more.

have-more-energy-with-others

Does spending time with people exhaust you?

I invite you to see where you may be blocking connection, depth, and the open flow of love. We all have this gift of vast, limitless love, we just don’t tap into it.

1) See where you’re blocking the flow.

Interactions are draining when we’re not really connecting, or we feel like we’re not able to show up fully. What would happen if you just opened, loved, connected, and showed up? How might that change your interactions? Your energy? Your joy and fulfillment?

2) Practice opening your heart.

Hold your hand over your heart and think of an experience or person that makes you feel tons of love. Really just sit and feel that love in your heart. Then practice turning it up like the volume on your radio. Expand, increase, and allow it to really amplify inside of you.

Another great exercise is to imagine opening the door of your heart, just a little bit at a time. Wide open is intense, so just crack it open a little bit at a time. Feel the openness, vulnerability, and love. Crack it open a little more. Then pay attention to how open it feels with others, and practice continuing to crack it wider each time you’re with another person.

3) Just love people where they’re at.

Love isn’t reserved for family, friends, and our partners. It’s for everyone, all the time. Love is the point of life, and the energy that bonds us all together in this world. Love should always be present. The next time you’re with someone, just focus on loving them, opening your heart, clearing the blocks, and just sending love and appreciation their way.

You don’t even have to like them, want them in your life, or really know them. You can love and appreciate the checkout girl at the store, the rude delivery driver that drops your pizza off, and your most pain in the butt client. It will transform the energy of the situation, leave you feeling more alive and open, and help you further tap into that love you have inside.

Play with it this week and let me know how it feels!

Having a Solid Sense of Self

confidence and sense of selfI prefer my nail polish slightly chipped. My favorite sunglasses are zebra stripped and come from a lonely truck stop in the middle of Kansas (I bought ALL the pairs). I’m always in layers. Always. My socks rarely match (and I’m equally as surprised as anyone else when they do). I’ve mastered the art of appearing higher maintenance than I am. I could live in my worn out $30 boots from Target (the ones with the worn spot on the toe and the soles that let water in). If you run into me at the grocery store, I’ll probably be lip syncing and full on rocking out to whatever old school song happens to be on the radio, because, obviously, it’s my jam.

One upon a time, I had zero sense of self.

And because of this, I let the judgments, opinions, and expectations of others dictate what was okay and not okay for me. From the clothes I wore, to the things I was interested in, to the people I spent time with. The movies I watched, the books I read, and the music I listened to. Everything.

Unfortunately, I was also surrounded by some pretty judgmental and opinionated people who felt a need to comment on every. single. thing. I did or said… and I didn’t have ANY clue who I was, so I faltered. I shifted. I tucked what little “self” I did know away. I tried to find my place. I tried to blend.

And really… I just lost myself completely.

One of the most important things I’ve learned on this journey is how to cultivate confidence. Confidence comes down to owning it… whatever “it” is for us. Whether it’s the zebra striped sunglasses, the cheesy song I’m likely belting out at the grocery store, or the chips on the tips of my fingers, I’m owning it, and I don’t care what you think.

A funny thing happens when we stop caring and we just embrace who we are… other people embrace us too. Exactly as we are.

Everyone? No. But the people who matter and belong in our life. Because confidence is just energy. When we shift away from a needs-approval-and-acceptance-on-everything-we-do energy and into a this-is-who-I-am-take-it-or-leave-it energy, we exude confidence, and people don’t question us. Instead, they wonder what we have and how they can have it too.

How they can be more expressive.
How they can have a unique sense of style.
How they can find their own voice.
How they can be so comfortable in their skin.
How they can rock the zebra striped sunglasses.

You know those people you see walking around, just doing their own awesome thing? The ones that are so carefree, confident, and expressive? Yeah, they’re just owning it. Whatever “it” is for them.

It’s that simple.

But in case it feels less than simple, here are some things to help you start cultivating confidence today:

Not only did Stephenie help pinpoint my passions, but she also helped me get started on creating my business. I now know what my passions and purpose are in life and am excited to continue on this path. I have the clarity I so desired before I started this journey. I feel free because I have a deeper sense of self and purpose. — Adlin Cedeno