When I Get Lost, Again, I Do This…

I turn off the lights and close my eyes, only to jump out of bed moments later in search of a specific book. I grab the book, turn the light back on, and climb under the covers again. Three pages and a couple highlighted paragraphs later, I’m searching for my journal and scavenging for the right pen.

I crack it open and write a simple sentence… “I’m feeling sad and defeated.” I exhale and write a few more lines before rolling to my back and picking up my phone. I check Facebook. I snap a photo of the book and start Instagramming, but I never finish the caption, let alone actually post it. I’m staring at the ceiling, completely unsure if I want to scream or cry or maybe go to the gym.

I do none of these things.

I want to call my love and listen to him sing me sweet reassurances about life and business, but I don’t. I want to take a bath with lavender bubbles and maybe some of my favorite music, but I don’t. I want to give up on this day and go to bed, but I don’t. It’s only 6:30pm. I’m pretty sure I could sleep. I could cry until my eyes fail me… and then yes, I could sleep. I could make this day be over.

But I don’t do any of these things either.

Instead, I simply close my eyes and breathe deep.
I quiet my mind and allow myself to feel the agony inside.

And I feel it with my whole presence, because the years have taught me not to be frightened or anxious about the unsettling inside my soul. Not to be discouraged or doubtful of the boundless darkness that threatens to consume me. They have taught me not to turn and run from what I’m being asked to face.

The truth of the moment is simple: I’m lost, again.

Turned upside down and inside out. Restless. Aching at my core. Distracted by the deep discomfort that’s buzzing through every cell and bone and vein inside my body.

A decade of this work, and I still get lost.
A decade of the questions, and I still don’t always have the answers.
A decade of the lessons, and I still feel like a total beginner.
A decade of figuring it out, and I still get massively frustrated.

Because when we’re fiercely committed to living our highest truth with a profound connection to the divine… to loving and being loved by others more deeply than we knew was possible… to immersing ourselves in the work we’re called to do with our whole heart and soul… we’re never done. Never finished. Never complete.

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There’s never a point at which we stop growing.

And if there’s never a point at which we stop growing, there’s never a point at which we stop finding ourselves completely, utterly, frustratingly lost inside the many lanes that make up this life. Asking the questions we thought we’d already answered. Learning the lessons we thought we already knew. And doing the work more deeply and thoroughly than we ever realized was required.

While these moments still catch me off guard, I’ve learned to welcome them with love and a lot of trepidation. Because in these moments I’m simply recalibrating. Aligning more deeply. Shifting more fully. Growing more wholly.

I’m being asked to step it up.
To move to the next terrifying life level.

As soon as I remember this, I settle in and breathe more freely. My nervous system calms down and I’m able to think. Able to receive the direction and wisdom and answers I need to move forward. Able to take the actions I know I need to take.

And because I’ve been doing a decade of this work, the alignments and shifts and growth happens quickly. The clarity comes and I lean in, wholeheartedly and terrifyingly fast. I align. I shift. I grow.

I’m only ever stuck for what feels like a brief moment, because I’ve done this work for a decade. Because I’ve continually grown. Because I’ve worked with amazing mentors and coaches and healing modalities. Because I’ve never stopped learning… never given up. Because I continue to make the choice to do this work.

To rise up after each and every fall.

And I’ve put every single thing I’ve learned inside My Awesome Life Mastery™ so that you can align and grow and shift at a rapid pace too. So you can feel fulfilled, deeply connected, divinely guided, and fully supported. Mostly, so you can build a life and business around your passions with ease. Because the world needs more people who are willing to face what needs to happen to get unstuck.

We need you.

And if you’re ready, I’m so ready to support you. :)
Mastery doors are only open through this Friday, February 5th.
Click to learn more now.

You Have To Be Willing To Let It Burn

I was scrolling through Instagram one morning, half asleep and feeling all the feels, when this quote from Hiba Fatima Ahmad suddenly appeared before me:

“How can you rise, if you have not burned?”

Perfection. Because my work these past several months has really been about choosing to rise. Choosing to come back from the hardest year and loss of my life. Choosing to return with all the wisdom and truths and clarity I gained from those darkest, hardest pockets, so I can create real alignment in my life, relationships, and work. So I can show up and serve in all the ways I’m being called to serve.

Back in November, as I clearly began to see where I stood on this healing journey, I realized I had a choice to make if I ever wanted to come back better and wiser than before. And messages about rising began appearing all around me. Like this quote… this one shook me to my core with it’s raw, simple truth.

How can you rise, if you have not burned?

Never before in my life had there been a time when I was more willing to let it all burn to the ground. In the years past I would resist… retreat… numb out… hide… or try forcing things to go a certain way. All because I was afraid of the flames. I was afraid to let go and I had no concept of trust or faith. So I would latch onto whoever and whatever was in my life with a white knuckle grip, petrified of loss. Terrified of the unknown that would come once everything known was gone.

But not last year.
Last year I let it all burn.
Sometimes I even lit the match.

And you know what?
It was the most amazing experience of my life.

I learned there’s freedom that comes from loss and massive power in surrender. There’s beauty and a depth of connection we’ve never known inside the voids that remain when people and things burn away. I’ve found that there’s clarity and guidance inside the deepest, darkest pockets of the unknown. There’s peace and joy inside the stillness and the emptiness as the ash settles at your feet.

I learned that the more I’m willing to release my grip, the more things begin to fall into place with ease. The more I’m willing to surrender and stop fighting, the more support shows up to carry me through. The more I’m willing to let go of the people and things I held so dear, the more I find my footing and connect with those and that which are meant to stay. The more I listen to what’s being asked of me – what wants to move through me – instead of stubbornly and fearfully “sticking to the plan,“ the more aligned my work becomes. The more aligned I become.

The more willing I am to let it all burn to the ground, the higher I begin to rise.

That said, this willingness to let it all burn didn’t come easily.
Nor do I necessarily recommend metaphorically lighting your life on fire.

This post isn’t about destruction. It’s not about making messes of things that are meant to be a part of your journey out of fear. It’s about recognizing when we’re resisting the natural flow of death and rebirth… big and small and everything in between. When we’re fighting the need for something to fall away so that another, more aligned something has the space to arrive. Which, when we let it flow as it naturally will, happens more frequently than we generally allow it to.

For most of last year, I didn’t have a choice.

Loss sucker punched me hard over the head and began stealing pieces of me, my life, and my business before I knew what was happening. It cracked me open at my core, and that void acted like a massive black hole where things and beliefs and ways of being just vanished inside of, never to be seen again. Poof, gone.

There were some things I embraced fully and completely, because I simply didn’t know how to be who I was before anymore. I was just… different. Changed. Altered at my core, and because it happened so instantly, it was easy to let it be.

But my work, my business, and what I was creating?
These I resisted, and I resisted hard.

I tried to stay the course. I tried to write how I wrote before. I tried to stick to the plan. And as everything slowly and painfully died no matter what I did, I realized I had to let it go. I had to let it burn, there was no other way to move forward.

So I released my grip, and in that single energetic act, I lit a match.

I lit a match and I stood there, feet firmly planted in the ground despite how absolutely terrified I was, and watched as everything began to burn. I stood there, holding steady despite how much I wanted to run over and undo what I’d begun, willing to let go of everyone and everything that needed to fall away.

It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And while fully committing to my choice of surrender eased a lot of my resistance and stress, I was by no means graceful inside this act. There were many tears, several emotional breakdowns, a lot of anxiety, and more meltdowns than I can count along the way.

As I stand here today on the other side of total surrender, rising back up more quickly than I knew I could, I can see it clearly. The more willing I am to let it burn, the higher I rise. In life, love, and work. It’s the only way.

You can’t rise if you haven’t burned.

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You can’t come back if you never fall. You can’t succeed without failing or floundering or flailing around a bit. You can’t truly heal if you never let yourself break all the way through. You can’t become whole and happy and healthy without a “rock bottom” from which to leave behind.

And just remember that your “burning” doesn’t have to mean full surrender while risking everything you’ve worked so hard for in your life… it can be as simple as getting a little uncomfortable and declaring that you want something more, something different. By leaning in and starting to do the work necessary to “rise” into what’s next for you and your life. Whatever it is, it’s time.

How will you choose to surrender so you can begin to rise?

Awesome Life TV™ Interview with Karen Christensen, Actress, Speaker, Coach, and Founder of Dreamcatcher’s District

In this episode, the fabulous Karen Christensen shares her story about attracting and choosing the wrong people in all areas of her life, including show business and love, and how she pulled herself out of toxic situations, as well as the lessons she learned about support, self worth, and attracting the right people. We talk about what it means to really, truly do the work required to create positive shifts in ourselves and our lives, whether we’ve experienced trauma, abuse, grief, loss, or other hard chapters. We also chat about what it really takes to get our lives and businesses to where we have them today, and how it’s not as easy as it seems. I had the best time chatting with Karen before and during our interview, and I’m so excited to share her with you today. Watch the video below!

unnamedKaren Christensen has earned press and praise on and off camera as a multi-passionate, creative entrepreneur, thought leader and activist. A celebrant of slash careers, Karen has garnered success as an Actor, Photographer, Producer, Speaker, Coach and founder of Dreamcatcher’s District. She shares her lessons learned, strategic systems, maximizer mindset and insatiable curiosity via live events and virtual communities. Leading transformational talks, interviews, meditations, coachings and trainings — Karen activates your visions into realities with humor and honesty.  Having first hacked it out on her own in Hollywood at 19 — briefly acting in roles for MTV, NBC, CBS, FOX Searchlight — before securing more creative control behind the lens — Karen understands the pressures and the wonders of the freelancer, artist, lifelong learner. Karen Christensen is the Co-Producer and Photographer for Showtime’s acclaimed documentary film, “The Other Shore: The Diana Nyad Story.” Her consumer, celebrity, and commercial images are seen in: Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday, The Ellen Show, Good Morning America, Showtime, SXSW, Success Magazine, ESPN, CNN, The Los Angeles Times, Mastercard, HGTV, YouTube, KCRW, Gibson, The Wedding Chicks and more.

Embrace the Woo: Reading Tarot

Ever since I started embracing the “woo,” my life has become insanely magical, more in flow, and filled with divine guidance and inspiration.

I used to think the woo was silly.

When I had friends that pulled Angel Cards or had gemstones, I would smile, but scoff on the inside. “How could someone base a decision in their life off of a card they bought in a store?” I would wonder. It seemed ridiculous to me… even though I was doing work to connect more deeply to my intuition.

And while I’ve deepened my spiritual practices, intuition, and connecting with that divine source that seems to have a tug on every single thing in this life… I remain an “open minded skeptic” to all things woo. Yet I’m continually proven that when we open our hearts and minds, and we actively create containers for that wisdom to show up, we truly connect to something greater than ourselves. God, spirit, source, universal energy, flow… whatever resonates for us.

Reading Tarot has been one of those things for me.

I popped into a local metaphysical store a couple summers ago and was having a look around, when suddenly I was drawn to the shelf filled with Tarot decks. I immediately pulled at one box and knew it was meant to come home with me. By this time, I’d dabbled in gemstones, was going through certification training for energy work, and was very curious about the world of Tarot.

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I was a total skeptic. I didn’t think for a moment that I would actually get anything more than a laugh or some new home decor out of these beautifully illustrated cards.

Boy was I wrong.

Every time I’ve read Tarot I’ve been blown away by the accuracy of it. Blown. Away. I read it for the first time after a breakup, and that breakup showed in the cards. I read it again after that same ex boyfriend committed suicide, and his death showed up in the cards. His death continued to show up in the cards for months to come. When new connections were made and I would consult the cards, they had startling accuracy around the outcome of the connection. They showed travel when I was booked to travel. They showed my hopes and fears and the reality of my situation in life and work. When I met my love, they described him perfectly.

Honestly, every time I sit down to read Tarot, I’m absolutely positive that it will be the time the cards finally make no sense. That, “this will be the time I’m proven right that Tarot is ridiculous and silly.” But I never have been. Not once.

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People are often intrigued by Tarot, as I was… but they’re scared. They’re scared to “know the future” in areas that they’re feeling vulnerable or unsure about.

Tarot doesn’t predict the future.

That’s not how it works. What Tarot does is create a container for divine wisdom and guidance to show up.

We look for signs from God and the Universe every single day, and listen when we feel we’ve found them… but sit down to create that container for signs and messages and divine guidance to show up, and we get a little freaked out.

Here’s what I know to be true: everything is energy and energy is everything. And all Tarot does is show what energies are at play around a specific question, relationship, problem, or issue. It brings light to that which we can’t see, and lays it out alongside that which we already know to be true. And based on the energies at play and the direction things are moving, it gives us a possible outcome.

If we don’t like the outcome, we shift the energy of the situation, with help from the insight inside the cards. It’s that simple and amazing and divine.

Whatever you feel drawn to, lean in. Maybe it’s gemstones or Tarot cards. Maybe it’s angel cards or goddess rituals. Maybe it’s some yoga and meditation. Prayer. The divine and spirituality can feel strange and silly, because they’re intangible. But just like the power of tuning into your intuition and listening to signs in the world around you, the woo is filled with miracles, wisdom, and deeply connected guidance. Just lean in to what’s tugging at your heart and soul.

It Can Only Exist If You Choose It

One of my intuitive gifts has always been seeing possibility. As we talk and I tune into your heart, I see what’s possible for you. And it’s beautiful… so incredibly beautiful. I see you in the life that’s waiting for you, living fully expressed and true to yourself, doing the work you so deeply desire to do (even if you think you don’t know what that is). It’s clear as day to me and I get so excited.

In that moment though, it’s all just possibility.

It can only exist if you choose it.

About six years ago I had what can only be described as an out of body experience. I was living in Hawaii and had been driving around the island all night, crying my eyes out. Parked at a scenic overlook (my most favorite spot on the island), I was trying desperately to catch my breath as I sobbed uncontrollably.

Until all of a sudden, I just stopped.

I felt calm, at peace, and completely out of my body. I was aware that part of me was still sitting in the car by the ocean, but it was as if my soul had ventured out amongst the stars. And as a piece of me danced with the cosmos, I felt total alignment and pure joy. I was completely clear on the truth of who I was here to be, experiencing this pulse of creative energy, divine connection, beauty, grace, and purpose. I had never experienced anything like it in my life.

Back in the car I held my physical body very still so I could take it all in. And I continued to hold onto that experience as tightly as I could. When things would get hard, I would close my eyes and try to reconnect with that essence so I could remember what feeling in alignment was like. It drove me forward, and it turned into a guidepost for every experience, relationship, and decision I made.

That night at the overlook, I connected to what was possible for me.

But more importantly, I chose it, with every bone in my body.

For three years I continued to choose it. I continued to tune back into the truth and essence of that experience and worked to create shifts that would align me with what I saw as possible. And eventually, I began to feel this energy and essence every single day, as I began to embody exactly what I experienced that night.

After settling into this space of alignment, I had another (far less dramatic) experience that was similar. Out of nowhere, I connected with truth and possibility on an even deeper level. I had another clear vision of what it would look like to embody this truth as well as a clear connection to the energy and essence. And just like the first one, this experience served as a guidepost as I moved forward.

This connection to my potential and all that’s possible in my life and work has continued to happen as I grow and change over the years. And it also happens with every single person that enters my sphere. Clients, friends, family, partners.

Greatness, contribution, love, depth, connection, passion, purpose, fulfillment, and joy. This is all possible for you. Incredibly possible, in ways you can’t even imagine right now. Give me just five minutes with you and I will see it so clearly, so aligned with the truth of who you are and the unique gifts you have to give.

And I will get excited.
Which will get you excited.
But that’s not enough.

It’s not enough to know what’s possible and to get excited by the idea of it. It’s not enough to see how everything could play out, to feel it inside every cell of your body, in the depths of your heart and soul.

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Possibility is not a promise, it’s a call to action.

A call to rise up and walk the path you’re meant to walk.

And it can only exist if you choose it.

I’m not going to tell you choosing it is easy, because it’s not. Oftentimes, it’s some of the hardest work you’ll ever do. The most heart wrenching, exhausting, and terrifying work. It’s scary. It’s isolating at times. It’s confusing. You’ll inevitably get a little lost along the way. It’s painful. And it requires a lot of long naps.

But there’s no pill or magic carpet that takes you from here to there as quickly as you can envision all that’s possible. There’s just not. You have to choose it. Every moment of every day, no matter what. You have to choose it. 

And I know how frustrating it is to hear that, because choosing it might feel like a lot of work from where you stand right now. I know because I’m also in the process of fully choosing what’s next for me, in life and love and the ways I feel called to work and serve. And it’s hard. Really, really hard. But I know from all the times I’ve chosen my potential and possibility, it’s the only way to bring it to life.

If you asked me two months ago what topic I wanted to base my business on, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. With her guidance and support, my business is up and running and I have created my Individual Coaching Package and two Transformational Quick-Guides. I’m currently coaching my own clients and there are several other products and packages in the making. The best part is that, by working with Stephenie, I have been able to overcome my own mental blocks so that I now feel so much more in-tune with my own creative flow.