Are You Sure You Want to Do That?

Very recently I was invited to a social get together that sounded like a lot of fun, so RSVP’d yes. But as the night approached, I was feeling less and less enthused about it. For one, it had been a busy week and I was tired, but I also felt a TON of resistance to going.

So I didn’t.

But as I sat at home enjoying my relaxing evening, the thought popped into my head, “What’s wrong with you? You should have gone. It would have been fun. You need to be more social.” My MIND believed that there was something wrong with sitting at home on Friday night.

But the more that I thought about it, the more I realized that I was doing EXACTLY what I wanted.

Have you ever experienced this?

Being invited to something that SOUNDS like a great time, like something you’d want to do, with people you’d probably like to know. But there’s that initial pause where you’re not sure… and as this thing begins to get closer, you REALLY do NOT want to go. So what do you do?

If you go, you’ll feel resentful, exhausted and stressed out.

If you don’t, you’ll feel guilty, worried that you should have and unsure if you made the right choice.

Here’s the thing. I trusted my intuition (that guiding voice that said, HECK NO, I DO NOT WANT TO GO!) and stayed home to enjoy a much needed, relaxing evening. But as soon as I stopped enjoying and existing in the present moment, my thoughts got the best of me. Thoughts that have been manipulated by what other people think or what society tells us.

You should be social. You should have “fun” on Friday nights. Sitting at home alone is lame.

And you don’t want to be lame, do you?

So how do you decide if you REALLY want to do something or if you just think you should?

How to be 100% SURE you want to do something.

Listen to your intuition!

Sure, it can be a bit fuzzy sometimes if you’re not super connected to it, but your intuition knows best. No ifs, ands or buts about it. If you feel even the tiniest bit of hesitation, don’t commit to something. Put it on your calendar, say you’ll think about it or see how you feel when it’s closer.

If this thing begins to draw closer and you’re really excited about it, GREAT! Go. Thankfully without the stressful act of committing, you won’t be feeling stress and resentment as it draws near, but if you’re not feeling excitement either, then you know it’s not something you want to do.

If it’s something that REQUIRES an RSVP or commitment for any reason, TRUST YOUR GUT. Again, any ounce of resistance is hinting at something that you may not realize yet. You may be double booking yourself, over-committing or you may just really, on a deep level, not want to.

If you “think” it sounds fun, that’s a red flag.

THINKING means you’re not utilizing your intuition and inner guidance. You’ve probably convinced yourself that it’s a good idea, it will be fun or that you should. It may sound really, REALLY fun to you, but if you “think” ANYTHING beyond that, then it might not be for you.

I thought the gathering I was inviting to sounded really fun. But I didn’t feel excited deep down. I just THOUGHT, “Oh, this is a good idea, it should be fun and I really should go.” Why waste your time if you’re not overwhelmed with excitement?

Know yourself.

If I’d have stepped back and asked myself, “Is this really the kind of thing I would enjoy?” The answer would have been NO.

Deep down, you know what you do or don’t enjoy, whether you’re ready to admit that to others and yourself. Maybe it’s that you can’t stand going to networking events. Maybe it’s that you really just don’t like the movie theater and would rather curl up on the couch. Maybe it’s that you don’t really connect with those people on a necessary level.

It’s doesn’t matter… what matters is that take the time to know and honor your personal preferences.

But what about the things we “HAVE” to do?

Now, I realize that there are things that we’ll have to do in our lives out of love or respect to others, but even then… if you really, REALLY do not want to do something or know you’ll be miserable, hopefully you’ll be surrounded by people that UNDERSTAND.

You shouldn’t feel obligated unless that obligation is of some importance to you. For someone you love because you TRULY want to help them out. For something very important TO YOU and your personal goals or development. These are great opportunities for growth, if there is some part of you that deeply desires to participate. If not, then it’s only going to cause you stress and resentment. No good.

Take action NOW!

Leave a comment below sharing an experience you had where you said yes, when you really should have said no. What do you remember feeling when you were asked? How can you better honor yourself and listen to your intuition going forward?

This entry was posted in Intuition, LOVE Your Life

7 Responses to Are You Sure You Want to Do That?

  1. Erin Bowe says:

    My problem is that sometimes I think I’m listening to my intuition, but it’s actually my lizard brain, who does a great impersonation. ;)

  2. Ashley says:

    This happened to me last night. My boyfriend called from work and said, “Hey you remembered my office Christmas party is tonight right?” Oops. I had an awful headache, felt exhausted and the thought of putting on my makeup, doing my hair, and making polite conversation for two hours…

    I said I’d call him back. The more I sat with it, the more I did not want to go. I told him the situation and and he was completely supportive (I’m not sure he really wanted to go either).

    This topic is an interesting one for me because according to Meyers Brigg I’m a perceiver. I really do best going with the flow and not overbooking myself so I can be free to do the unexpected when I’m inspired. BUT only 20 percent of the population are perceivers. We live in a scheduled, accountable, date driven society.

    I first experienced this in h.s. when one of my best friends would ALWAYS invite me to do things on the weekends. I would give an open-ended answer, saying it sounded like fun.

    She would interpret this as a YES, even though I was in MAYBE land. Finally, we both learned from each other. I needed to be more clear and concrete in my language. I also needed to avoid committing to something unless it was uber-important to her or myself. And she came to accept that I’m really just not wired like her.

    • Love these examples Ashley! So funny that you had one just last night. I love schedules and plans, but when it comes to committing to anything social, there’s just no telling what mood I’ll be in when it comes around, so I prefer not to commit to far in advance. :) You’re right though that most people prefer to plan in advance… nothing wrong with being the minority AT ALL so long as you’re happy! xo

  3. This was yet another great post that I could relate to. My situation wasn’t quite a particular event, but more a current life alteration. For many years I have found great joy in partying and being in the company of friends. I had many memorable moments living this lifestyle, but as time went on I found myself no longer enjoying these occasions.

    I always try to please the people around me so I continued to do it. About 2 weeks ago it just hit me, I no longer wanted to do this, and had already been formulating an exit strategy to do things I find personally enriching.

    So I reached out to all these friends and told them that I would no longer be involving myself in these adventures. Not because I didn’t want to hang out with them, but I no longer felt satisfied by doing it. To my surprise they responded well and understood my position.

    So I find myself currently in a new place in life. A place where it is time to set on a new path and see what adventures I come across and I couldn’t be more exited about the possibilities!

    • This is awesome Jeremy! Thanks for sharing. I love that you followed your intuition and stopped. I’m also glad that you have supportive friends that didn’t make you feel guilty, what a great combination. :) I’m excited for you as well!!!

  4. Lola says:

    I believe that often times it’s my laziness, not intuition, telling me not to go. Fear also plays a role. In 50% of times when I made myself go despite intuition or fear, I had the time of my life. So I listen to my intuition, yes, but I also check the source of it. If I suspect fear or laziness, I kick myself into action.

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Not only did Stephenie help pinpoint my passions, but she also helped me get started on creating my business. I now know what my passions and purpose are in life and am excited to continue on this path. I have the clarity I so desired before I started this journey. I feel free because I have a deeper sense of self and purpose. — Adlin Cedeno